True but thats because hes a fetus.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
