she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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