I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
