I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
