Porn is love you can see.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
