Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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