Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
