Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Someone signed my nipple.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
