Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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