Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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