At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
