i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I love you. Go after that dick
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
