I need to stop coming to work sober
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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