Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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