Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
