ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
