I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
