Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
