We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
