i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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