You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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