That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
