We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
