And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
