If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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