I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
