I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
