why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
