Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
