the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
