you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
