White coat. Heels.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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