Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it wasn't lemon gatorade
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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