So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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