hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
