I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
