I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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