I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
