Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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