Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
