Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
