U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
