remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
