Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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