btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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