I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
