If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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