there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
