I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
