is wine microwaveable?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
