I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
