i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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