I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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