but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
