Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
