hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
