Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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