What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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