How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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