Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize