you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
