I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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