it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
