why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
