i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just found puke in my bra..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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