I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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