He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
